The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld - Terry Pratchett

““Do you know, a fortune-teller once told me I’d die in my bed, surrounded by grieving great-grandchildren,” said Mooty. “What do you think of that eh?”
I THINK SHE WAS WRONG.” (Guards! Guards!)

Sweetened condensed milk. It makes a wonderful ingredient in cooking, or you can drizzle on top of stuff, take a passing finger lick out of the tin, or sit down with a spoon and have a really good time gorging yourself.

This book is sweetened condensed milk. Containing the essence of what makes Discworld fantastically funny and clever; this compilation of the best quotes from the series serves many purposes. It can inspire you to read books you haven’t got round to, it can make you want to read the whole lot again, or it can just refresh plot lines in your mind, all the while providing wise words and amusing gags.

““It’s going to look pretty good, then, isn’t it,” said War testily, “the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse.”” (Sourcery)

Some will argue it’s not the greatest compilation – everyone has their own favourite characters, plots and jokes. Nor can this book contain every little gem or clever escapade – some of Pratchett’s better work lasts for pages. Seriously, if you wanted every good bit of the Discworld you may as well bind all the novels together. But this book, as I said – it’s the essence of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld: There’s a perfect balance of DEATH, Rincewind, U.U, Vimes, and other characters and casual comments.

“Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig hasn’t noticed they’re gone!” (Moving Pictures)

I loved it, read it from start to end and immediately wanted to pick up some of the books that I haven’t touched in too long. As I said – sweetened condensed milk. You don’t have to read it all at once, you can just flick open, find a random quote and smile.

“Words are the litmus paper of the mind. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word “commence” in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say “Enter,” don’t stop to pack.” (Small Gods)

Earth, Air, Fire, and Custard - Tom Holt

Tom Holt is to literature what Monty Python were to television. Hilarious, odd, and at times so completely random that you don’t have a clue what’s going on.

This is the 3^rd book of the “Paul Carpenter” novels – based in a world featuring the magic company “J. W. Wells” out of Gilbert & Sullivan’s work The Sorcerer.

You don’t need to have read the earlier books – I don’t think I have; however, doing so may help general storyline cohesion. But you’re all smart people and able to put threads together fairly quickly. Well, as fast as you can with a writer who not only keeps you in the dark for most of the book, but makes sure that the light-bulb has blown, that there’s just enough draft to blow out any candles that you try to light along the way, and puts a blindfold on you for good measure too…

Anyway, Paul had his soul sold to this magic firm (who are mostly goblins) when he was a child and since has worked for as a lowly clerk doing paper shuffling tasks, while learning the odd bit of magic. In previous adventures he saved the world from the evil humanoid creatures, and had a perfect relationship ruined when all traces of love for him were removed from his fiancée Sophie’s mind. He has died a few times, visited the Bank of Death and withdrawn himself out of there in different ways.

It’s hard to say what the true plot of this story is… Holt has the book filled with so many red herrings moving so quickly it’s like it’s not only raining fish, but also firing them at you out of a cannon, and if the protagonist doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, you can rest assured you won’t either. Suffice to say it comes down to a power struggle between God and a mad magical scientist, and believe you me – I didn’t know that until almost the end… What goes on around it all can be charming, alarming, confusing and falsely enlightening, and you grasp at straws as much as Paul does to make sense of it all.

The characters are well written – from the confused, self-degredating hero, and the sulky romantic interest, to the imposing partners of the firms, and also the bit characters, they all fit tightly into the picture.

The plot is… I think I may have already mentioned this, but it’s complicated. If you like a book to make sense the whole way through this is NOT your type of book. “Like Robert Jordan times three” to quote Paul as he tries to explain it to someone. Chapters can fly past in a whirl of words and colours and not really make sense. If you like Pratchett or Robert Rankin I’d say that you will love Tom Holt – but if random is not your thing stay away.

I laughed and laughed and laughed while reading this book – I hope you do too.

Chart Throb - Ben Elton

Having read and loved his crime/war novel “The First Casualty” I picked up this book with the knowledge that it was going to be well written. I was right. Chart Throb is a masterful blend of intrigue, story, satire and cynicism. It details the running of a new season of the hit TV show “Chart Throb” a pop idol show like all the others – but done better. Go behind the façade that is put on screen for the public and see how contestants are picked, filmed, used and dropped on the whims of the main judge Calvin (very much like Simon Cowell, but meaner). Along with this we have ethical conflicts for the research team behind the scenes, romantic interests, and power struggles as the 2 other judges vie for more screen time and a better representation of the “real” them to help their own careers. Yes, for the other judges that perfect mix is used with a mumsy mum (who just happens to also be a transsexual still undergoing further cosmetic surgery), and a once famous musician trying to get back into the spotlight by being supportive, harsh, friendly, critical, and goofy all at once…

As stated, a very cynical look at the reality TV industry and especially the pop idol arena. All in all, a good laugh with twists and turns that will keep you guessing the whole way through.

Jasper Fforde - The Fourth Bear

Ok, I'll admit it.
I'm an infamously picky reader, and anything that smacks of rewriting nursery tales better have serial killers and gratuitous sex or violence for me to even read the blurb.
Thankfully, good ol' JF is aware of this.
I found this book witty, interesting, and possessed of a Terry Pratchet style of humour, with boring aliens, talking bears with porridge addictions, and a psychopathic baked good. All in all - I'd read it 4 times, or possibly five.
It will appeal to most of you, probably hotstuff more then most, but all of you, find, read, and then chortle with me.